Crap & More Crap
Friday, February 27, 2004
Jokes
Who the hell doesn't like a good joke. At one time on my old computer I was saving all the good email jokes I got so I could publish the internet joke book. If I see any of you fuckers publish the internet joke book I want half. Also my friend Steve wants half so that leaves the original person with jack shit. But between me and him refining our ideas, shows and inventions we will be rich someday. But enough rambling, here is the joke of the day for you. Enjoy or I will kick you in the sack. I would give credit again to someone, but for gods sakes who.
Quick Joke:
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
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Who the hell doesn't like a good joke. At one time on my old computer I was saving all the good email jokes I got so I could publish the internet joke book. If I see any of you fuckers publish the internet joke book I want half. Also my friend Steve wants half so that leaves the original person with jack shit. But between me and him refining our ideas, shows and inventions we will be rich someday. But enough rambling, here is the joke of the day for you. Enjoy or I will kick you in the sack. I would give credit again to someone, but for gods sakes who.
Quick Joke:
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Thursday, February 26, 2004
FUCK THE FCC
They all can go fuck themselves. I hate these fuckers even more now. Son of bitches taking Howard Stern off the air. If you don't like what people are saying change the fucking station. Maybe we need to blow up the south and midwest and then we will have less conservative people to protest and sue for everything. email Colin Powell's son here and tell him to go suck it
Screw these bastards
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They all can go fuck themselves. I hate these fuckers even more now. Son of bitches taking Howard Stern off the air. If you don't like what people are saying change the fucking station. Maybe we need to blow up the south and midwest and then we will have less conservative people to protest and sue for everything. email Colin Powell's son here and tell him to go suck it
Friday, February 20, 2004
Anyone else seen those Quizno commercials with the things that look like gerbils with arms and fucked up mouths. First time I saw it, I thought I was having flashbacks to some college days. But my wife started yelling at me so I knew it was real. Enjoy good people, enjoy. I hope that everyone else gets that damn song stuck in their heads also.
We love the subs
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Just ran across this for anyone who downloads free music. Correct me if I am wrong but doesn't this kid just state the obvious. Maybe it is all the crack I smoked.
Pepsi
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Mad props to my grandma for passing this joke along to me. I would give credit to someone but I don't know who wrote it. How about we just give credit to one of the greatest comedians of all time Gallagher.
Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing vacation to Europe. While visiting England, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.
She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Gore asks her how does she finds out if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair, puts him on speaker 'phone and asks, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
"Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls the Reverend Jesse Jackson and says, "Hi, Reverend Jesse, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Jesse Jackson hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Gore agrees, and Jackson hangs up. Jackson, immediately calls members of his gang and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Jackson calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved Jackson rushes back to call Gore and exclaims,
"I know the answer! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair!"
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Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing vacation to Europe. While visiting England, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.
She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Gore asks her how does she finds out if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair, puts him on speaker 'phone and asks, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
"Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls the Reverend Jesse Jackson and says, "Hi, Reverend Jesse, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Jesse Jackson hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Gore agrees, and Jackson hangs up. Jackson, immediately calls members of his gang and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Jackson calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved Jackson rushes back to call Gore and exclaims,
"I know the answer! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair!"
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Ok OK
So i have been lazy and not posted for awhile. Is it just me or is it the cool thing now to be gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Maybe we shoould stop worrying about all these gay rights issues and start worrying about how everything is being made in China and now all the scrap metal that we use is being bought up by the Chinese. This has driven prices for material that I deal with insane. Something I bought three months ago for $101 now costs $118 and the fucking price is still going up. The American manufacturing sector is going to shit and I see this everyday. Pretty soon we will need to buy our weapons from the Chinese to fight the Chinese in a war. Maybe we need to take a look at our manufacturing base here in the States instead of shipping every damn thing overseas cause we can sub it out to child labor for pennies a week. I understand that most Americans are fat and lazy and will not work for the wages that these companies pay overseas markets to manufacture.
I say me and whoever else wants to should invest in one of the last places to be developed and that is Africa. As soon as we wipe out the market in China you can bet your ass that we move onto Africa, the motherland. So anyone who is rich and reads this blog which is probably no one, please help me invest or I will send Mr. T to your house.
Also I can't believe a judge would be so petty about something like this, maybe I am just retarded.
Semicolon please
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So i have been lazy and not posted for awhile. Is it just me or is it the cool thing now to be gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Maybe we shoould stop worrying about all these gay rights issues and start worrying about how everything is being made in China and now all the scrap metal that we use is being bought up by the Chinese. This has driven prices for material that I deal with insane. Something I bought three months ago for $101 now costs $118 and the fucking price is still going up. The American manufacturing sector is going to shit and I see this everyday. Pretty soon we will need to buy our weapons from the Chinese to fight the Chinese in a war. Maybe we need to take a look at our manufacturing base here in the States instead of shipping every damn thing overseas cause we can sub it out to child labor for pennies a week. I understand that most Americans are fat and lazy and will not work for the wages that these companies pay overseas markets to manufacture.
I say me and whoever else wants to should invest in one of the last places to be developed and that is Africa. As soon as we wipe out the market in China you can bet your ass that we move onto Africa, the motherland. So anyone who is rich and reads this blog which is probably no one, please help me invest or I will send Mr. T to your house.
Also I can't believe a judge would be so petty about something like this, maybe I am just retarded.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Holy Shit man am I about to go on a rampage here. FOr the past year I have been using the phone company Vonage to make all of my phone calls. It is a neat little service where for $35 and a broadband internet connection I can call freaking California for a month straight and my bill stays at $35. But now the fucking FCC wants a piece of the action and wants to tax this and tax that. Fuck these Fuckers. I even saw where they are taxing internet sales in 18 states. I thought the whole idea of the internet was to keep things free. Man I hate greedy bastards who fuckin want to ruin a good thing. I hope they all get genital warts. It is time to take down the man and by the man I mean WHitey.
WOAH WOAH WOaH, I probably shouldn't have watched Higher Learning last night.
I am pissed off about this happy horseshit and want to not pay these taxes. Screw them. By the way I hope the people from Vonage are reading this so they can give me free service for sticking up for them. Voange Voange Vonage.
Vonage
Free calls
Screw the FCC
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WOAH WOAH WOaH, I probably shouldn't have watched Higher Learning last night.
I am pissed off about this happy horseshit and want to not pay these taxes. Screw them. By the way I hope the people from Vonage are reading this so they can give me free service for sticking up for them. Voange Voange Vonage.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
|Monday, February 09, 2004
Ok, OK,
I have been lazy as hell in updating this thing but better late than never. I saw two back to back episodes of Chapelle's Show on comedy central the other night. Holy Jesus is my man funny. If anyone has never seen the show check out comedy central's website and they have clips of him or better yet download them from Kazaa. I think his show is on Wednesdays at 10:30. Speaking of Chapelle, I saw his movie Half Baked at the theatre when it came out and I thought it was boring. Now that I have seen it about seven hundred times it is a classic flick. Kind of like Office Space, sucked at the theatre but at home, fuckin awesome.
"I will rule you" ...Jimmy King
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I have been lazy as hell in updating this thing but better late than never. I saw two back to back episodes of Chapelle's Show on comedy central the other night. Holy Jesus is my man funny. If anyone has never seen the show check out comedy central's website and they have clips of him or better yet download them from Kazaa. I think his show is on Wednesdays at 10:30. Speaking of Chapelle, I saw his movie Half Baked at the theatre when it came out and I thought it was boring. Now that I have seen it about seven hundred times it is a classic flick. Kind of like Office Space, sucked at the theatre but at home, fuckin awesome.
"I will rule you" ...Jimmy King
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
I've got nothing so get your asses back to work
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Ok Ok ...Drudgereport moved the JAnet boobie from front page to the archive section. Now is it just me or does everyone else when they go to work don't do jack shit for the first 15-30 minutes in the morning checking the headlines. It takes awhile to read all the crap in the WOrld NEt Daily, that paper is the bomb, it is a combo of real news, National Enquirer and conspircay theory. The shit I read on there I never see anywhere else. Key example was the guy in Texas @ BASF chemical who was shot by who he says was a bearded dark skinned man. This made headlines on CNN and the likes for one day, WOrld Net Daily has had this fucker around for like two weeks now. I love that shit, give me more and more of that kind of reporting, I want to know every god damn thing and then if the guy is a fraud, string him up by his balls and beat him like a pinata til candy comes out. MMMM candy.
Yesterday I was on a rant about Super Bowl commercials and saying how they all sucked my wang. Upon further review I added a few more to the good list, Simpsons commercial for MAstercard great, Frito Lay one with the old lady and man was decent. 7up did a good one also. The Pepsi one with the BEar was pretty damn funny. The Staples Godfather take off was awesome and the other Jimmi Hendrix Pepsi one was ok.
One last rant about Pepsi. They think they have to do all these fancy ass commercials, while Coke does not have to do jack shit. Coke just says "Hey were fucking coke, drink our shit" no fancy shmancy advertising no nothing. Coke is the bomb, they are like that old Guido while Pepsi is that one that is good but just not good enough to remember. ANyone who disagrees with my opinions is just wrong so PISS OFF
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Yesterday I was on a rant about Super Bowl commercials and saying how they all sucked my wang. Upon further review I added a few more to the good list, Simpsons commercial for MAstercard great, Frito Lay one with the old lady and man was decent. 7up did a good one also. The Pepsi one with the BEar was pretty damn funny. The Staples Godfather take off was awesome and the other Jimmi Hendrix Pepsi one was ok.
One last rant about Pepsi. They think they have to do all these fancy ass commercials, while Coke does not have to do jack shit. Coke just says "Hey were fucking coke, drink our shit" no fancy shmancy advertising no nothing. Coke is the bomb, they are like that old Guido while Pepsi is that one that is good but just not good enough to remember. ANyone who disagrees with my opinions is just wrong so PISS OFF
Monday, February 02, 2004
Hope this one works:
In case you had to take a pee and missed any good commercials
Super Bowl Commercials
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In case you had to take a pee and missed any good commercials
How come CBS let me miss all the good shit that happened during the Super Bowl. I must have sneezed and closed my eyes cause I missed Janet Jackson's boobie hanging out. Good thing the people atthe Drudge Report were nice enough to show it to me and then an upclose of it. This just proves she and Michael are two different people now. CBS also did not show the streaker. Don't know if anyone ever saw this Brit before or not. He streaks at everything over there, he even streaked in front of the Queen before. Better him than me showing off the old twig and berries if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink.
One more SUper Bowl rant, these commercials are suppose to kick ass but mostly they sucked ass. If I am spending 2.3 mil for a 30 second spot, you can be sure as shit people are going to remember my commercials. I think Budweiser always does the best ones every Super Bowl. Here is my suggestion, next year all Budweiser commercials all game long, then there will be no more sucking ass.
Well Enjoy Janet's boobie
Janet's boobie
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One more SUper Bowl rant, these commercials are suppose to kick ass but mostly they sucked ass. If I am spending 2.3 mil for a 30 second spot, you can be sure as shit people are going to remember my commercials. I think Budweiser always does the best ones every Super Bowl. Here is my suggestion, next year all Budweiser commercials all game long, then there will be no more sucking ass.
Well Enjoy Janet's boobie
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