THORNTON MELON

If she had a penis she would get it

Sitting on the throne

For males bored using their hand to masturbate try this

Only in America I guess

THIS








OR THIS





I came up with the idea we should have a no holds barred tag team match, between the two sets of daughters. The winners father wins the presidency. How sweet would that be.

I don't know what to think of this, whether it is cool or creepy. I think I'm going with cool

When I die, make me into a diamond

ANother one for conspiracy theorists

Plane that crashed into the Pentagon not a plane but something else

I've seen this on a couple of different sites. I love the fact at the end when he still tries to perform.

Numchuck casting call

You gotta be a little bit of a computer geek to get the humor in this one

Parents can be so dumb

Anyone else remember the 80's classics the Cannonball Run films: (Dom Deluise or was that chef Paul, Burt Reynolds and a host of others) Well this is the true story of the real event

Real Cannonball Run

Cheap Seats

I posted about this show before and the excellent hosts Jason & Randy Sklar. Well it seems as they got a new website. You should watch this show on Thursdays at 10 on ESPN classic.

Listen to Yucko ask the people on the street about the death of Ronald Reagan. Not your average clown

Yucko the Clown

STEWARDESS

The history of Michael Jackson's face

This is funny and the people on the right who he is compared to are dead on

Pizza shop of the future

Stormtrooper wedding

I thought it was bad when my Dad got married by Elvis.

A different way to get drunk

No words can describe Scottie

Just that something extra for the bedroom

Words can not describe Scottie

More free naked pics.

If this is real it is fucked up

Vengified

For all you Simpsons nerds like myself

In case you ever get lost in Springfield

FIND THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS HERE

Hundreds of women to choose from, only one catch though

Ed Koch, the former mayor of NYC to vote for George Bush only because Kerry is a pussy over terrorism. WOW

Kerry is a big pussy

I could break this record if I wanted to but I choose not to

Think John Kerry will accept their endorsement

Hemp lovers

Here is a story about people getting a 40 cent discount for gas and all they had to do was listen to Jesus stories. That's cool, but here is the part I don't get. One guy drove 50 miles round trip for this discount. Was it worth it, somneone do the math for me and see if the discount was worth it or did he burn up that much gas driving there and back.

Try and follow this logic

Soory for the lack of updates this past weekend but I was away with no computer. I did get to see the US play hoops on Saturday. Man it is getting pathetic watching them play over there. We should be cruching these guys.

Check out who we lost to.

This thing is stuopid as can be. I was raised Catholic and they are hard headed about somethings, but I think this could take the cake

First Communion declared invalid

This would be a dream come true, I would never run out

Truckload of Mossehead missing

Clyde this is for you,

GET BACK TO WORK

WVCubsfan had this up on Blue & Gold News site. I thought it was cool

Video from Iraq that Steve's cousin sent to him

Ambush Video

This fucker had an ass kicking coming to him and got it

Check out this update that was on the Drudge Report



FLASH: The current version of the PARAMOUNT film TEAM AMERICA is a guaranteed NC-17, with surprisingly graphic scenes of puppet sex...

What the fuck, NC-17 cause of puppet sex

FAMILY GUY IS COMING BACK

I love this show and can't wait to see the new episodes

Family Guy

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Lady that was stuck to the couch literally

Holy crap man, some people are just really huge nerds, They have a game where epople are buying shares of each others blogs for poularity and shit. Mine must suck, just not as bad as Steve's though. My link is below. By the way the only stock I own is in fake movie stocks here.

Hollywood shares

LOSERS

Oh yeah buy my stock or feel my wrath or better yet the WRATH OF KHAN

People buy shares of blogs

I am still trying to figure this one out. They train girls to be like dogs?

Puppygirl

To all the people being sent here randomly by the blogger people check out the links on the right


I'm talking to my 11 year old nephew tonight and he says the souns I put on my Mom's computer is cool. That sound is Beavis & Butthead. He has seen clips at sporting events but he never got to see them in all of their glory.

Settle Down Beavis

My job is to clue him in on what a great show he missed. He grew up on stupid freakin Pokemon and now I get to corrupt him with Beavis & Butthead. I however was surprised on how corrupted an 11 year old already is. I hear swear words from him that would make a sailor blush, of course nothing is ever said around his Dad, only just to the coolest uncle in the world.

I just noticed on my tracker I was getting hits fom crazy places, but all were related to blogger. I just noticed at the top of the page there is a next blog button and you get sent to a random site. This was one of the links that got sent to mine

Bunch of drunks

One thing I hate is a preachy reformed lush, telling people how bad drinking is for you. Kind of like reformed smokers who tell you how bad smoking is for you (no fucking shit sherlock)and just usually have a whiny pissy ass attitude about someone smoking around them. I got this guy at work who has been smoking since he came out of the womb. I swear this guy had a smoke in his hand during his birth. I second smoke about two packs a day.

OK I am now down off my soapbox

This is possibly the funniest commercial I have ever seen

Nutri Grain bars make me feel great

Funny story I haven't told in a long time

One day while up at my brothers house, we were having a cookout. We were making clams and my Dad's girlfriend says to me that the clams were good, what kind are they. I proceed to tell her and then she says to me no joking "what is the difference between these and bearded clams?" I about pissed my pants and it was incredibly difficult not to laugh right in her face. My father being tyhe good guy that he is took her aside and kindly explained the difference.

A must read for conspiracy theorists about 9-11

Shaggy singing about masturbation

Pretty damn funny

Last couple of links are from WTF

Lucky Bastard

I think I got this spam before

Sorry about the lack of updates, I was out of town for the weekend. I was working for the weekend with Loverboy.

Rip Taylor is a god in my country

In case you were wondering when your new girlfriend is legal

Aliens saved us from meteor

Everyone else can win the fucking lottery except me

Arrest me I'm drunk

For you fans of the news of the weird, this is defnitely up there pretty high.

Woman stuck to couch, literally

Yogi Bush

Every Sci-Fi nerds first boner was to this movie

Barbarella

What the fuck I just do not get this. They have a rule about no pets and the lady is freaking depressed and that overrides the no pets rule. Read this crap

This ruling is just crap

What is this all about, Burn her she's a witch

Two guys go at it with fisticuffs at Home Depot

What is wrong with people

Cool if you got kids or you just smoke a lot of pot

Make some snowflakes

Look at the roof of the one guys car. This is good stuff

Think Steve dislikes his job?


dude, i want to take a nasty shit on the floor of my office and spread it around everywhere on the walls and peoples' desks and then wash it all off with the biggest piss anybody ever took, except for that mackenzie brother who drank the whole vat of beer, and then puke on everybody and then sacrifice a hundred chickens and spread the blood and feathers everywhere cause i hate this fucking shithole

RIGHT UP THE CORNHOLE KERRY


come one someone else caption this picture. I got a bunch more. leave them in the comments

Anyone else excited for the Olympics to start? Yeah me either. The best sporting thing on TV right now is the X games. Holy shit, last night was freaking awesome. Jeremy McGrath jumped over 33'6" in what was pretty much a motobike high jump competition. I never watched this stuff before, but it was FREAKING AWESOME BABY. Who gives a flying fuck about watching runners who are so pumped up on drugs they have crazy records. I rather watch these guys who admit to smoking pot. Hell they ought to have an all drug Olympics like in that old SNL skit where the guy rips off both of his arms doing weightlifting. Who wants to watch the basketball team play? Larry Brown needs to further whip their asses into shape. I heard something on Sports radio the other day and it sounded like a good ides. Take the defending NBA chanpion and let them be our Olympic team, so this year it would be the Pistons. Sounds good eh.

X-games

Funny Clips and other fun stuff here. Give them a visit or else

Shoosh time

You decide which name is which. Link from Entensity

Porn Star or My little Pony?

Anyone else love their pet this much?

Stretch limo anyone?

Poor bastards

Prison commercial

The following is a subject I used to be well versed in. Not so much anymore, but I can still do some bodily and property damage when inebriated enough.





Upon stepping into the office this morning, I had two different people remind me what day it is. “It’s Friday” they spouted, as if they had just unveiled some hidden truth about life……no shit it’s Friday, believe it or not I have a vague understanding of the passing of time, and keep myself moderately aware of what day in the week it is. But thanks anyway, lest I forgot and had the horrible misfortune of thinking it was Thursday. Could you imagine? The horror.

So what does Friday really mean? Why do people feel the need to tell you what day it is? I don’t recall many occasions where an excited employee nudged me w/ a pointy elbow to remind that it was, in fact, Tuesday. “Dude, it’s Tuesday, sweet.” Well, the reason is most of us hate our jobs, and Friday is our welcome respite from the soul shitting grind that is the working week. And what do most of us do on a Friday night? Drink. Self-medicate. Salute ourselves for another listless week by flooding our central nervous system with what is essentially poison. Before you think me some finger pointing parade rainer, please know that I love, love the poison.

So we drink, letting our horrid memories of pointless meetings, inane office banter, the sound of the printer spitting out the dead carcasses of our beloved, oxygen giving trees just so everyone in the office can read yet another idiotic memo from the CEO reminding us all of the importance of “hammering the phones” (this ass-clown refuses, refuses to email the memos, declaring that it’s much more “personal” when it’s tangible, in your hand, and you’re reading it. Note to cock-smoke, no one reads them anyway, you’d have a better shot at getting us to look at a feces-smeared scrap of notebook paper and sticking that on our desks, you raging, insufferable, overpaid mental midget.) By the way, why couldn’t someone have told me that the phone would be such a huge part of corporate life? I don’t remember hearing in college “by the way, 89% of you will make a living by incessantly calling uninterested parties via the telephone and trying like holy hell to get them to purchase something you yourself don’t even understand or believe in, enjoy, you’re doing yeoman work!” So, we drink, we drink to wash it all away, to silence the demons that fester in our skulls Monday through Friday, that feed off our collective apathy as we whither away in front of the true idiot box (the computer has officially taken over the T.V as the single most contributing factor in the decline of modern civilization, causing at the very least eye damage, and the worst, total and complete mental breakdowns. If Google’s pop-up blocker didn’t come around, I’d be serving 25 to life right now for some sort of reprehensible crime). So we drink, we drink to forget and to forgive. To forget the past 5 days, and forgive ourselves for what we’re about to do in the next two. To forgive ourselves for not becoming what we always dreamed. To forgive ourselves the rampant complacency that has taken a hold of us as we watch our lives slip away, one company-wide email at a time.

So we drink. Like rabbits fuck, we drink, from close of business to close of bar, we imbibe enough alcohol in one sitting in the vein, fruitless attempt to carve out just a smidgen of fun in an this suddenly barren, bleak, pale existence we call our lives.

Okay, I think I’m getting a bit too depressing. It’s Friday after all, as I was just reminded by Kelly, our sales engineer, as I was typing this. Actually, I should be clearer, she said, “Hey hun, T.G.I.F, right?” I should have replied “L.O.L Kelly, hopefully we both get a little T.L.C tonight, oh, B.T.W, fuck off.”

Kelly’s a nice girl; I should take this out on her.

So we drink. Like Republicans lie or Democrats waiver, we drink; we drink more than Market Street smells. We drink more than the Muni line 30, 41, and 45 through Chinatown blows. We drink more than Ted Kennedy’s third liver could ever hope to possibly expunge. We drink because we can. We drink because we must.

Now of course, there are some of you out there who like their jobs. A few who dare use the word “love.” But you’re not reading this, b/c you’re busy doing what you enjoy, not scouring CL for something or someone to buy/sell/trade/dump/fuck/rant/rave/find/steal/lie to/lie about/and all other things Craig.

We drink because Katie, our manager, is so insecure she actually makes breathing awkward.

We drink because Bruce, the VP of being a incredible ass-face (and Biz-Dev) insists upon wearing enough cologne to the point where lighting a match anywhere near him is potentially life threatening.

We drink because Michael, the homophobic advertising guy, gets all red in the face if you call him “Mike.” So of course, we call him Mike often, cutting off the “e” at the end to emphasize the point that we’re really, really enjoying it.

We drink because if we have to endure one more Friday afternoon meeting, we might just projectile vomit in Kevin’s glandular, gnome like face. Just because you don’t have a life doesn’t mean the rest of us want to sit down at 4:45 on a Friday to discuss the company’s direction for Q3. You see Jeff’s left eye twitching? I’d give this meeting another 3 minutes before he reaches across the table and pulls one of your ears off, Kev. The man’s in a custody battle for his children and you’re taking time away from his weekend with them because you’re a selfish, horrible man. And if Kevin does blow, you can bet your ass Mitch, the North West sales manager will. I swear that guy starts off cooking some chicken by biting their fucking heads off. Do you hear his unending finger tapping on the faux-marble table? Notice how the pace quickens every few minutes? Well Kev, you’ve got a few more seconds of being a bullshit blowhard until Mitch pulls your heart of your fucking chest.

We drink because there’s no such thing as a good week of work.

We drink because if Jessica doesn’t say, “this is a mission critical decision” at least 4 times a week, it means she was out sick three days. Jessica, it’s an office supply order for Staples, how in HOLY HELL is that mission critical? Do you even know what mission critical means? Do you? You’re the office manager, not the board chairman, the phrase “mission critical” should never, EVER come out of your mouth. It’s a stapler, not a funding request, chill the fuck out.

We drink because there is no such thing as a uni-sex bathroom. It’s a girl’s bathroom people. You wonder why us guys leave the office at least twice to three times a day, not including lunch? It’s because we have to shit, and we can’t very well shit in that veritable Globe Theatre of a restroom, where every sound is amplified ten fold. The one time I just had to go (note to Jessica, now that was a mission critical decision) and simply couldn’t make it to the hotel across the street (those people must have caught on that I’m not staying there, considering they see me every fucking day) I took a shit in the uni-sex bathroom, and what ensued was an anal-philharmonic, led by yours truly, in which the entire office was privy to every fart, grunt, and bowel-related sound effect I had to offer. I felt like taking a bow when I got out, possibly chugging some coffee and going in for an encore. So no, it’s not uni-sex, it’s a girl’s room. You might as well stick a huge tampon on the door with a note reading “No Y Chromosomes allowed.” Oh, and Regina…I salute your utter shamelessness when it comes to shitting. I’ve never, ever seen a women carry the paper under arm when she walks into the bathroom. Bra-fucking-O my girl. Truly, classic stuff.

We drink because we know Ted’s gay, the whole office knows Ted’s gay, Ted’s friends and family know Ted’s gay, and we’re pretty sure at this point Ted must be vaguely aware he’s gay, yet he still insists upon talking about all the “hot ass” he “tags” over the weekend. Note to Ted, it’s not working amigo, when you can recite more show tunes than Nancy, who worked on Broadway in Manhattan for 4 years, well, it’s time to take the jaws of life to that closet door and step out into the world the way you were intended. Thing is Ted, everyone likes you, you’re good people, and coming out won’t change that, it will simply save us from the intensely awkward experience of suffering through one of your bullshit “she was so hot and then we did this and that” stories. How come we never see this girls Ted? How come they never call, never email, and what’s that stain on your shirt? It doesn’t look like mayo.

We drink because we all know that “lunch and learn” really means “this will be the worst lunch you’ll have all week” as we’re forced to share low-rent burrito’s at Chevy’s and listen to some hired-gun of a sales guy tell us all how we have to “want it” more than the other guy. Hey Chet, this is software sales, not rugby, now fuck off.

We drink because Amanda in finance is hot, and Tom in HR thinks he’s going to bang her, and as God in heaven is my witness, if he does I will completely shut down and cry myself to sleep, because Tom in HR is quite possibly a larger d-bag than Kevin, and should he bed Amanda, well, then..nothing is right in the world. We drink because we’re afraid that might happen, and we drink because we’re too afraid to talk to Amanda, save for the pathetic “warm today” comment we threw at her on Tuesday. No shit it’s warm today, she too must come from outside like the rest of us, it’s not as if she wakes up, showers, than steps in her transporter and beams herself to work. She goes outside too, you fuck. And by you, I mean me.

We drink because we’re almost positive Brett and Stu are get stoned at lunch, and we’re pissed they haven’t invited us along yet.

We drink because the last time someone said something funny at work it was completely unintentional, and it revolved around a Freudian slip when Kev, at the end of one of his marathon Friday meetings, was trying to answer Mitch’s constant interjections over our marketing budget but also trying to keep Brian quiet and ended up trying to speak to them both at the same time, calling Mitch “Bitch”. Hilarious. The fact that Kev survived that meeting is a testament to the fact that he’s like a cockroach, and could survive anything. A nuclear holocaust ensues, we’re all dead…and there will be Kevin, holding court in a Friday afternoon meeting with three charred corpses and half a human head, wondering aloud “where everybody is?”

We drink because calling our work weekend in Reno a “retreat” is an oxymoron. It’s not a retreat, it’s an assault, an assault on everything we hold dear…how DARE you ask me to give up a weekend to go to a conference w/ the whole company in Reno. I’d rather eat Kevin’s shit. Okay, that’s a little too far. I’d rather throw shit at Kevin. Actually, come to think about, throwing shit at Kevin would be kinda high on my list of things to do over a weekend.

We drink because Shelly has now tried to arrange four different happy hour get togethers and the only one who shows up is Kelly and Mitch, and the only reason Mitch shows up is because he’s a drunk. We drink at some other bar, out of sadness for Shelly. And Mitch.

We drink because the thought of Monday is enough to make us cry.



And finally, we drink because in the end, when it’s all said and done, we have much to celebrate. We are lucky enough to have the luxury of bitching about corporate jobs and cubes and the bullshit office when you consider the state of affairs for most of this planet’s inhabitants, every day a true struggle, food and a roof over their heads never a certainty, but rather something they strive for. We drink because in the end, we’re lucky, spoiled, pampered brats, we know it.

We drink because we can.

We drink because we have to

What you did not know about the moon landing

Fatty Boombalatty

Listen to Jesus verbally abuse you

Ok first I miss the student who humps her own students, now this.

This would liven things up

Clyde who is one of about six people who check out my site, this link is for you man

Michael Moore's bowling for truth

The guy posted all the photos he had gotten off of P2P sites like Kazaa. Some funny ones in there, you just got to dig

If you got some extra time, check this site out

This game will keep you busy for hours and hours

Wil Ferrell does GW

You will be singing this all day

Next up for the guys from South Park

Try using the open door

Just got back from using vacation time I didn't want to use, but such is life.
Back to adding links.

I'll have two boob buns and one vagina danish