Crap & More Crap
Friday, April 30, 2004
TRON,
Man that movie totally sucked my ass cheeks but apparently this fat bastard likes it cause he made a damn suit to wear. NERDS
TRON
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Man that movie totally sucked my ass cheeks but apparently this fat bastard likes it cause he made a damn suit to wear. NERDS
I would like to thank Psycho for the quotes
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
___________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
_____________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
|
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
___________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
_____________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
Ooompa loompa this bitch
.
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George Bush speech. Received this email today about a fantasy speech that people wish that they would hear.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH GIVE THE
FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or
maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
too.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President
Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am gonna put em? Yep, border security. So
start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States
is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn
tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and
we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
"If you can read this, thank a teacher."
"If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH GIVE THE
FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or
maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
too.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President
Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am gonna put em? Yep, border security. So
start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States
is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn
tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and
we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
"If you can read this, thank a teacher."
"If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Dudes Bam Margera's show on MTV Viva La Bam has to be one of the funniest damn shows I have seen. Uncle Vito funny as balls.Please feel free to rock on the break of dawn
Democratic Convention Agenda
I thought it was funny so you should also
Official schedule for the Democratic National
Convention.
6:00pm- Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:30pm- Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm- Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm- Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr
defense fund.
7:20pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:25pm- Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm- Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael
Moore)
8:00pm- John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm- Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm- Gay marriage ceremony.
9:30pm- * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted
Kennedy)
10:00pm- Flag stomping and defacing ceremony
10:15pm- Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm- Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm- Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm- Double gay marriage ceremony.
11:15pm- Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:20pm- John Kerry presents the other side of the
issues
11:30pm- 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate.
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I thought it was funny so you should also
Official schedule for the Democratic National
Convention.
6:00pm- Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:30pm- Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm- Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm- Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr
defense fund.
7:20pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:25pm- Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm- Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael
Moore)
8:00pm- John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm- Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm- Gay marriage ceremony.
9:30pm- * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted
Kennedy)
10:00pm- Flag stomping and defacing ceremony
10:15pm- Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm- Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm- Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm- Double gay marriage ceremony.
11:15pm- Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:20pm- John Kerry presents the other side of the
issues
11:30pm- 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate.
This is a great email written to a crackhead who steals sparkplugs The link is up on the apechild.com website also.
Crackhead
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This link is kind of stupid and childish, so it fits right in with everything else here
Dangerous crreature
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My Mommy passed this thing along to me this morning some are pretty damn good. Enjoy good people, enjoy.
Here are top ten comments made by sports commentators that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was truly amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience
since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it
which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing -
but none of them really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge
president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that,
before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?
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Here are top ten comments made by sports commentators that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was truly amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience
since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it
which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing -
but none of them really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge
president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that,
before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?
Ebay man, they sell everything. This is funny as shit so be sure to check it out. This was passed on by Post office Ron
Ebay sells everything
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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
OK, can any two people who read this site look me in the eyes with a straight face and tell me he didn't do it.
I didn't think so
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I didn't think so
Holy Fuck what is the story with cops arresting, and beating up old ladies. What don't they have any fucking drunk drivers to catch.
Old lady
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Man oh man do I hate hippies. Apparently there also was an article titled Dumb Jock Dies in Afghanistan that those pussies don't have posted any longer. I'm all for peace and shit but some people just don't understand.
Hippies suck
These pussies have taken down the previous bullshit. I get pissed off by the fact that these assholes criticize without fucking doing a damn thing. These spolied millionaires are the ones protecting their pussy asses from invasion. I wish these fuckers would just leave already. I am not the most patriotic person in the world but I do believe in and love my country.
Pussy liberals
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These pussies have taken down the previous bullshit. I get pissed off by the fact that these assholes criticize without fucking doing a damn thing. These spolied millionaires are the ones protecting their pussy asses from invasion. I wish these fuckers would just leave already. I am not the most patriotic person in the world but I do believe in and love my country.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
ONE MORE I JUST LOVE THIS SHIRT
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A COUPLE OF MORE COOL PICTURES TO CHECK OUT. MEMORIES
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Here is a couple of photos for you. Can you guess where I went to school. A little over four months and college football starts again
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Monday, April 26, 2004
Holy shit man, no ned for all the violence, you'd had thought she was some serious convict and shit
Take that Grandma
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UPDATE.... Over turned
I read about this story before. If it is accurate then we have a injustice.
Marcus Dixon
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I read about this story before. If it is accurate then we have a injustice.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
|Friday, April 23, 2004
| |Thursday, April 22, 2004
| |
WHO DOESN'T LIKE A GOOD JOKE
Thanks Stang
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,
Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous
bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddybears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by
his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and
make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with
this sensitive guy, they are Lying there together in the afterglow,
the woman rolls over and asks,smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says:
(scroll down,
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
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Thanks Stang
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,
Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous
bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddybears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by
his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and
make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with
this sensitive guy, they are Lying there together in the afterglow,
the woman rolls over and asks,smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says:
(scroll down,
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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My friend Steve had this number posted before. Pure butter baby. If you have a minute or two call this Dale @ Dale's Den up
334-756-3336
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334-756-3336
Here is a link that I found interesting that had some cool crap on it. The link comes from this site about an interview that is no longer there.
Frankenblog
TV
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Monday, April 19, 2004
My mother sent this joke to me. It is old but now they have added a few more lines to it, to make it current. By the way it is 9:53 and PITT SUCKS
Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who said "Patrick Henry,
1775."
"Very good!
Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for
the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said
Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do. "
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point, a student in the back says, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks,"All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone says, "You little shit. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy 2001."
The teacher faints. And as the class gathers around the teacher on the
floor, someone says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"
And Suzuki says, "Martha Stewart, 2003."
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Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who said "Patrick Henry,
1775."
"Very good!
Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for
the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said
Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do. "
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point, a student in the back says, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks,"All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone says, "You little shit. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy 2001."
The teacher faints. And as the class gathers around the teacher on the
floor, someone says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"
And Suzuki says, "Martha Stewart, 2003."
Sunday, April 18, 2004
I typed in a search for terror alert and came across this handy little reference. Pretty damn funny if I say so myself..
We are currently at Bert
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We are currently at Bert
Friday, April 16, 2004
Steve sent this to me. Pretty funny, check it out
1) Go to www.Google.com
2) Type in "weapons of mass destruction" (DON'T hit
return)
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, NOT the "Google
search"
4) Read the "error message" carefully - the WHOLE page.
|
1) Go to www.Google.com
2) Type in "weapons of mass destruction" (DON'T hit
return)
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, NOT the "Google
search"
4) Read the "error message" carefully - the WHOLE page.
I'm back after puking and shitting most of the day yesterday. Thank God for Gatorade
|
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
|
WHAT IF
Clyde passed this email along to me.
In a parallel universe called 'What if . . . '
Published April 11, 2004
NEW YORK -- President-elect John F. Kerry's rise to
the nation's highest office came as little surprise
following almost four years of remonstrations against
President George W. Bush for his bizarre attack on the
defenseless people of Afghanistan.
Kerry, a decorated Vietnam veteran, was the right man
for a nation outraged by the Bush administration's
pre-emptive war, which, it now seems clear, was based
on highly speculative intelligence that Saudi
Arabian-born terrorist Osama bin Laden was planning an
attack on the United States.
Absent absolute proof of such an imminent attack,
Bush's Sept. 10 bombing of Afghanistan earned him
international condemnation and, in all likelihood, an
indictment in coming weeks. U.N. Secretary-General
Kofi Annan, appearing last night on Larry King Live,
said the United Nations' International Criminal
Tribunal likely would bring charges of genocide
against Bush.
Bush also faces federal charges at home for his
baseless arrest of 19 foreign nationals, many of them
native Saudis, whose "crime" was attending American
flight schools. The Council on American-Islamic
Relations has joined the American Civil Liberties
Union in a joint suit against both Bush and former
Attorney General John Ashcroft, charging racial
profiling, unlawful arrest and illegal search and
seizure.
Kerry's campaign mantra -- "You go to war because you
have to, not because you want to" -- clearly resonated
with Americans as they tried to make sense of Bush's
Sept. 10 attack on Afghanistan. Neither the president,
nor national security adviser Condoleezza Rice
convincingly defended their actions during the recent
"9-10 Commission" hearings, which Congress ordered in
response to public outcry.
The commission's purpose was to try to determine what
compelled the president to launch a war against
Afghanistan. What kind of intelligence suggested that
such an act was justified?
The main target of the attack was bin Laden, friend to
Afghanistan's brutal Taliban regime, as well as
al-Qaeda training camps in that war-ravaged nation.
Al-Qaeda, an international terrorist network, has been
blamed for numerous attacks on U.S. interests,
including the USS Cole bombing, which killed 17
sailors.
Even though Bush's military campaign was successful in
ending the oppressive Taliban regime, bin Laden
apparently escaped and al-Qaeda continues to flourish.
Some intelligence sources speculate that bin Laden's
operatives may be trying to secure weapons of mass
destruction (WMD) from Iraq's Saddam Hussein. Even
though Saddam continues to send money to the families
of Palestinian terrorists and is believed to have
programs for developing WMD, Kerry says he is
committed to containing Saddam through continued
sanctions and the U.N. oil-for-food program.
In any case, experts say that intelligence about
Saddam's WMD program is just as speculative as was the
intelligence that prompted Bush to attack Afghanistan.
The man credited with sounding the alarm on bin Laden
and al-Qaeda was Richard Clarke, a counterterrorism
expert who has served four presidents, including
Ronald Reagan, George H. Bush and William Jefferson
Clinton.
In a Jan. 25 memo to Rice, for instance, Clarke urged
immediate attention to several items of national
security interest: the Northern Alliance, covert aid,
a significant new '02 budget authority to help fight
al-Qaeda, and a response to the USS Cole.
At Rice's and Clarke's urging, Bush called a meeting
of principals and, after "connecting the dots,"
decided to wage war against Afghanistan. What did the
dots say? Not much, in retrospect. Apparently, the
president decided to bomb a benign country on the
basis of "chatter" that hinted at "something big."
With no other details on the "big," and weaving
together random bits of information from a variety of
questionable sources, Bush and company decided that 19
fundamentalist Muslim fanatics would fly airplanes
into the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon on
9-11.
Under questioning by the "9-10 Commission," Clarke
denied that his memo was anything more than a
historical overview with a "set of ideas and a paper,
mostly." The bipartisan commission concluded,
therefore, that Bush's "dot-connecting" had destroyed
American credibility and subjected the United States
to increasing hostility in the Arab-Muslim world.
Last week, Saddam Hussein and Palestinian leader
Yasser Arafat joined French and German leaders in
condemning Bush and urging the American voters to cast
their ballots for regime change in America. Kerry was
the clear response to that call.
In a flourish of irony and the spirit of bon vivant
for which the new president is widely known, Kerry
gave his acceptance speech from Windows on the World,
the elegant restaurant atop the World Trade Center's
Tower One.
Kathleen Parker can be reached at
kparker@orlandosentinel.com or 407-420-5202.
|
Clyde passed this email along to me.
In a parallel universe called 'What if . . . '
Published April 11, 2004
NEW YORK -- President-elect John F. Kerry's rise to
the nation's highest office came as little surprise
following almost four years of remonstrations against
President George W. Bush for his bizarre attack on the
defenseless people of Afghanistan.
Kerry, a decorated Vietnam veteran, was the right man
for a nation outraged by the Bush administration's
pre-emptive war, which, it now seems clear, was based
on highly speculative intelligence that Saudi
Arabian-born terrorist Osama bin Laden was planning an
attack on the United States.
Absent absolute proof of such an imminent attack,
Bush's Sept. 10 bombing of Afghanistan earned him
international condemnation and, in all likelihood, an
indictment in coming weeks. U.N. Secretary-General
Kofi Annan, appearing last night on Larry King Live,
said the United Nations' International Criminal
Tribunal likely would bring charges of genocide
against Bush.
Bush also faces federal charges at home for his
baseless arrest of 19 foreign nationals, many of them
native Saudis, whose "crime" was attending American
flight schools. The Council on American-Islamic
Relations has joined the American Civil Liberties
Union in a joint suit against both Bush and former
Attorney General John Ashcroft, charging racial
profiling, unlawful arrest and illegal search and
seizure.
Kerry's campaign mantra -- "You go to war because you
have to, not because you want to" -- clearly resonated
with Americans as they tried to make sense of Bush's
Sept. 10 attack on Afghanistan. Neither the president,
nor national security adviser Condoleezza Rice
convincingly defended their actions during the recent
"9-10 Commission" hearings, which Congress ordered in
response to public outcry.
The commission's purpose was to try to determine what
compelled the president to launch a war against
Afghanistan. What kind of intelligence suggested that
such an act was justified?
The main target of the attack was bin Laden, friend to
Afghanistan's brutal Taliban regime, as well as
al-Qaeda training camps in that war-ravaged nation.
Al-Qaeda, an international terrorist network, has been
blamed for numerous attacks on U.S. interests,
including the USS Cole bombing, which killed 17
sailors.
Even though Bush's military campaign was successful in
ending the oppressive Taliban regime, bin Laden
apparently escaped and al-Qaeda continues to flourish.
Some intelligence sources speculate that bin Laden's
operatives may be trying to secure weapons of mass
destruction (WMD) from Iraq's Saddam Hussein. Even
though Saddam continues to send money to the families
of Palestinian terrorists and is believed to have
programs for developing WMD, Kerry says he is
committed to containing Saddam through continued
sanctions and the U.N. oil-for-food program.
In any case, experts say that intelligence about
Saddam's WMD program is just as speculative as was the
intelligence that prompted Bush to attack Afghanistan.
The man credited with sounding the alarm on bin Laden
and al-Qaeda was Richard Clarke, a counterterrorism
expert who has served four presidents, including
Ronald Reagan, George H. Bush and William Jefferson
Clinton.
In a Jan. 25 memo to Rice, for instance, Clarke urged
immediate attention to several items of national
security interest: the Northern Alliance, covert aid,
a significant new '02 budget authority to help fight
al-Qaeda, and a response to the USS Cole.
At Rice's and Clarke's urging, Bush called a meeting
of principals and, after "connecting the dots,"
decided to wage war against Afghanistan. What did the
dots say? Not much, in retrospect. Apparently, the
president decided to bomb a benign country on the
basis of "chatter" that hinted at "something big."
With no other details on the "big," and weaving
together random bits of information from a variety of
questionable sources, Bush and company decided that 19
fundamentalist Muslim fanatics would fly airplanes
into the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon on
9-11.
Under questioning by the "9-10 Commission," Clarke
denied that his memo was anything more than a
historical overview with a "set of ideas and a paper,
mostly." The bipartisan commission concluded,
therefore, that Bush's "dot-connecting" had destroyed
American credibility and subjected the United States
to increasing hostility in the Arab-Muslim world.
Last week, Saddam Hussein and Palestinian leader
Yasser Arafat joined French and German leaders in
condemning Bush and urging the American voters to cast
their ballots for regime change in America. Kerry was
the clear response to that call.
In a flourish of irony and the spirit of bon vivant
for which the new president is widely known, Kerry
gave his acceptance speech from Windows on the World,
the elegant restaurant atop the World Trade Center's
Tower One.
Kathleen Parker can be reached at
kparker@orlandosentinel.com or 407-420-5202.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Someone told me about this link and the chick from being near here. I'm just passing this along for those who enjoy nudity. I mean a lot of nudity. Please do not say I didn't warn you. Enjoy
Take the Tour
|
|
Hey Ashcroft suck on this lemon while you try to ban pornography. Go back to the movie Footloose please.
Bush
|
Handy reference chart
|
I must be retarded cause I missed some. You try and take this IQ test and let me know how you did. Thanks to Mustang for the link
IQ test
|
Monday, April 12, 2004
Here are some links I pulled off the apechils website. I'm telling you to check out his site or else.
Cat bowling
Chuck some candy
Do some stomping
Ape Child
miniclip games
|
When I sent to college many moons ago I found this website called The Hollywood Stock Exchange. It is just like a stock exchange except you buy movies that have been made, are being made, are being discussed about possible making etc etc. you can also buy stars. It is cool if you like movies cause you can read about all the crap you want to see
Hollywood Stock Exchange
|
Who doesn't like a joke about the mentally insane
You may have heard that they've released John Hinckley from the mental
facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends.
You may remember that John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to
impress the actress Jodi Foster. This is such a nice letter from
President Bush on Hinckley's continued recovery:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in
recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you
are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff
at the hospital reports that you are doing fine. I have decided to
seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate
your support and the support of your fine parents.
I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital,
you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodi Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
|
|
You may have heard that they've released John Hinckley from the mental
facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends.
You may remember that John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to
impress the actress Jodi Foster. This is such a nice letter from
President Bush on Hinckley's continued recovery:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in
recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you
are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff
at the hospital reports that you are doing fine. I have decided to
seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate
your support and the support of your fine parents.
I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital,
you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodi Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
Sunday, April 11, 2004
|Friday, April 09, 2004
| | | | |
Anyone here like gossip. Maybe you are one of the six people who read my website and enjoy the links. Well here is another link for you from the Brits. Man I love that gossip crap.
I heard that
|
Thursday, April 08, 2004
| | | | |
This website linked below is not something I reccomend but yet I link it to show you much free time people have on their hands. Although I can't say anything bad since the search was for clowns and midget clowns to freak my friend Jim out. He is deathly afraid of both. I warn you now, for mature audiences only.
Circus time
|
I love to listen to this guy in the morning when I get a chance. Sometimes I wished I lived further away so I could hear the show while driving to work.
Howard
|
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
| |
One more test and then I think I got this thing.
.
This is Clyde's new boyfriend. They will enjoy their vacation to the Bay area
|
.
This is Clyde's new boyfriend. They will enjoy their vacation to the Bay area
This is only a test for me to check on pictures being added
.
|
.
A lot of people have already been to this site before but I am just geting around to adding it. Check out the mug shot section. some classics in there
Smoking gun
|
One more link for the day. Clyde passed this one along to me. I warn you that this thing can be slow as dogshit, even when you have cable or DSL but is is still neat to check out.
Birds eye
|
As most of you know I am a die hard WVU fan. I chat on the Blue and gold news website, you can see the link on the right hand side of my links. This link is from a guy on the site who has audio and video clip sup there. Everytime I hear that Jack Flemming introduction before the PSU game I get goosebumps, and not just the ones on your arms but all over my body. I was there for both undefeated seasons, the only game I missed in 88 was Bowling Green and that was because we were coming back from Alaska. You know how hard it is to get an up to date WVU score in Alaska before the internet. Thank goodness we had one of those bookie line numbers that give updates for $1.99 a minute.
WVU clips
|
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
It is hard to believe but I finally made it to number one in something. I would first off like to thank the academy and all the other actors that were nominated.
Melon
|
ANyone else see the T-Shirts that Abercrombie is selling. I hope this link works. Fo Shizzle my nizzle
WV shirt
|
Saturday, April 03, 2004
My good friend Steve has think link on his site and his site is actually listed on the right side at the top of my page. I know I am stealing but he would do it to me.
Drunk
|
Friday, April 02, 2004
Anyone else watch South Park the other night with the Passion of the Jew That ws some funny shit. Here is a good link I found that has info on that episode including Cartman's German translation
South Park
|
Catch the Worm
Worm
The worm is now gone, those of you who got to see it, thought it was funny. They have some other cards on there that look funny though.
|
The worm is now gone, those of you who got to see it, thought it was funny. They have some other cards on there that look funny though.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
| |
WHO DOESN'T LIKE A HILLBILLY JOKE
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of
a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened
very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He
tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all
about. Was the other Indian crazy or what? "No," said the Indian.
"It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see a cave, they
holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back,
it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. the Indian ran up to the opening of
the cave, stopped, and hollered, Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately,
there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then
he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of
the huge opening, he was thinking, "Wow, man! Look at the size of this
cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really
big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and
hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and
closed his eyes in anticipation,and then he heard the answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as
he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN
|
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of
a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened
very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He
tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all
about. Was the other Indian crazy or what? "No," said the Indian.
"It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see a cave, they
holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back,
it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. the Indian ran up to the opening of
the cave, stopped, and hollered, Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately,
there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then
he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of
the huge opening, he was thinking, "Wow, man! Look at the size of this
cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really
big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and
hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and
closed his eyes in anticipation,and then he heard the answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as
he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN
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