THORNTON MELON

LIVING WILL




Living Will

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound

mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial

means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of

peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their

lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask

for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse,

children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes

and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a

special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that

these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead

to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who

aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case .

I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to

scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that

they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die

in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred right-wing christian zealots send e-mails to

hypocritical legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these

people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade

on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a

political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make

his or her existence a living hell.

_______________________________________

____________________________________

Signature Witness