THORNTON MELON

Clyde sent this to me. I found it to be funny and so should you. Except for the moral cause fuck them both.

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat
all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for
yourself!

MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide
pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video
of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth,
this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit
the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper,and
everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being
Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's
sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an
interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten
rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay
his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the
"Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant
is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of
green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government. Hillary gets her old law firm to
represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against
the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the
case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up
the last bits of the ant's food while the government
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old
house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The
grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident
and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang
of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't vote for the
Poodle (The poodle is John Kerry, he's french, gets
$1000 haircuts, and is accompanied and kept by rich women).