Crap & More Crap
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
HANGOVERS
Man do these things suck, glad I haven't had one for awhile. Jim passed this thing along to me and I think we have all been there once or fifty times
5 Levels of a Hangover
>One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still
feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak &fries.
>Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is
only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
>Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For
the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the
foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this
morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge
of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole
purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity
British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious
Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks,
but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but
you're not really my type. Good evening officer isn't it lovely out
tonight. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. Sorry I'm
being such a jackass.
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Man do these things suck, glad I haven't had one for awhile. Jim passed this thing along to me and I think we have all been there once or fifty times
5 Levels of a Hangover
>One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still
feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak &fries.
>Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is
only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
>Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For
the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the
foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this
morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge
of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole
purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity
British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious
Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks,
but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but
you're not really my type. Good evening officer isn't it lovely out
tonight. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. Sorry I'm
being such a jackass.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Long Video, do not use dial up unless you got nothing better to do for a couple of hours. These people are nutty.
I need to get my ass into shape to try this
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Killer whale turns on trainer. The trainer does a heck of a job to mellow this big fellow out. Link was on WTF.
Whale and trainer
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My name is Otto and I like to get Blotto
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Monday, July 26, 2004
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Just a bunch of photos I found lying around I uploaded
Some photos from Kontraband, vist their link on the right hand side
1st pic is sweet
Vote for me or else
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Some photos from Kontraband, vist their link on the right hand side
1st pic is sweet
Vote for me or else
Sunday, July 25, 2004
|Saturday, July 24, 2004
I got some time to sit on my fat ass this weekend and I caught a show on MTV that was funny. Andy Dick is a couple of french fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean. The show was great, Andy Dick can be and was A. Dick . I suggest watching this show the next time it is on. His new catchphrase is "you've been clipped" in lieu of the Donald's "You're Fired"
The Assistant
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OK I added a comment thing on the site here.Tell me how much this thing sucks or send me some good freaking links. Either one will do.
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Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
Wait until you see the this fight. unreal, especially the end. Link was up on Attu's blog
Was that suppose to be Mr. T?
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Nice license plate
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If you are any kind of sports dude like me, you will like this site of different helmets throughout the ages. Old time ones to present
Helmets
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Omar Petty this article is dedicated to you man.
OK this is totally fucked up. Verizon is going to roll out VOIP calling for some people in about 130 cities. They will be charging more to use their service than current services like Vonage. Are these people complete fucking morons, lets see I get the same service from two companies but I get to pay one $10 more if I don't use their DSL service or I could get their DSL service and still pay more.
Verizon, get your shit together
Vonage give me a free month for promoting you again
Which deal is better?
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Which deal is better?
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
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Separated at birth?
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
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Here is something that doesn't make sense to me. PETA filmed a company in West Virginia that was cruel to chickens before slaughter. Let me see if I get this right, people are pissed that these guys hurt the chicken before they SLAUGHTER them. Anyone else see the irony in it.
Chickens
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Monday, July 19, 2004
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Whoever number 7 is, please print me a whole shitload of money. Thanks in advance
Last 10 visitors
1. 19 July 13:54 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
2. 19 July 13:57 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
3. 19 July 13:58 Electric Lightwave Inc., United States
4. 19 July 14:00 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
5. 19 July 14:03 West Virginia Network, Morgantown, United States
6. 19 July 14:09 Road Runner, United States
7. 19 July 14:18 U.S. Dept. of the Treasury, McLean, United States
8. 19 July 14:18 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
9. 19 July 14:22 Ernst & Young, United States
10. 19 July 14:30 Ernst & Young, United States
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Last 10 visitors
1. 19 July 13:54 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
2. 19 July 13:57 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
3. 19 July 13:58 Electric Lightwave Inc., United States
4. 19 July 14:00 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
5. 19 July 14:03 West Virginia Network, Morgantown, United States
6. 19 July 14:09 Road Runner, United States
7. 19 July 14:18 U.S. Dept. of the Treasury, McLean, United States
8. 19 July 14:18 FiberNet of West Virginia, United States
9. 19 July 14:22 Ernst & Young, United States
10. 19 July 14:30 Ernst & Young, United States
I laughed my ass off.
Joke from Theodaddy
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
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Joke from Theodaddy
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
Link from Entensity
Hey everyone, good to be back from along weekend. I was out in Pittsburgh and down in WV. I had a good time, but enough about me.
We have some sick people here. Just execute the giu now
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
|It goes with the shirt I had been kind of looking for. Someone was kind enough to email a link that was similar. Cowan, thanks pal
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
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I was a big fan of Guns N Roses when they came out and I have listened to Appetite for Destruction so much on tape that it wore out on me. I saw them on VH1's Behind the music the other day and the show was awesome. I never realized how big a prick Axl ROse had become. This one is for you Delaney Guns N Roses
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My friend Steve posted this on his site and since I have no original thought ever I steal others. Story is you could create anything you wanted on Bush-Cheny posters, many people did and added their own creative words, people got pissed, took it down but the better ones were compiled. Go visit his site. His link is on the right
Sloganator
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
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Here is another one of those things where I see what people were looking at my site. I think one of these sticks out
1. 13 July 10:10 Dept. of Defense, Washington, D.C., United States
2. 13 July 10:12 @Home, United States
3. 13 July 10:18 170.74.16.x
4. 13 July 10:19 @Home, United States
5. 13 July 10:22 @Home, United States
6. 13 July 10:32 AT&T, United States
7. 13 July 10:33 West Virginia University, Morgantown, United States
8. 13 July 10:39 Net2000 Communications, United States
9. 13 July 10:41 West Virginia University, Morgantown, United States
10. 13 July 10:41 Net2000 Communications, United States
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1. 13 July 10:10 Dept. of Defense, Washington, D.C., United States
2. 13 July 10:12 @Home, United States
3. 13 July 10:18 170.74.16.x
4. 13 July 10:19 @Home, United States
5. 13 July 10:22 @Home, United States
6. 13 July 10:32 AT&T, United States
7. 13 July 10:33 West Virginia University, Morgantown, United States
8. 13 July 10:39 Net2000 Communications, United States
9. 13 July 10:41 West Virginia University, Morgantown, United States
10. 13 July 10:41 Net2000 Communications, United States
This job would suck
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Found these guys by accident while screwing around here. I'll promote people who share my last name. One song I heard sounded like the Misfits song Skulls.
Calabrese Rock
Calabrese link to two songs
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I got back late last night from a trip this past weekend and haven't had time to update. I have the Csmeron Diaz video that everyone wants. The video I have is over a half hour long. I am in the process of editing it down to just the booby shots everyone wants to see. Hopefully I will have a link for you tonight. Just hold tight and I will deliver. I tried to upload the whole video last night but I said fuck it and will edit myself.
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Friday, July 09, 2004
JOKE FROM MY OLDER BROTHER ROB. OLD ONE I HAD HEARD BUT STIL FUNNY ENJOY
A successful rancher died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little
about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and
when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay
guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks,
the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very
well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the
hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the
ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one
Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he
didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.
He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass
of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever
so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and
placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it,
constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands,
he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light
of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little
about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and
when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay
guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks,
the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very
well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the
hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the
ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one
Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he
didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.
He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass
of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever
so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and
placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it,
constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands,
he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light
of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Thursday, July 08, 2004
| | |Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Where were they when I was in school. curses
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
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For those of you with extra time, here a photos of peope uploaded through free journals. All kinds of shit to be seen here
Livejournal Random Images generator
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Monday, July 05, 2004
Big Burger
Hope you are really hungry
Damn blogger not working, this was a good post also. Maybe this time it will be uploaded
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Damn blogger not working, this was a good post also. Maybe this time it will be uploaded
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Happy Fourth Of July Everyone
fireworks
Damn blogger not posting this like it was suppose to. Let me try this again
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Damn blogger not posting this like it was suppose to. Let me try this again
Friday, July 02, 2004
| | |Thursday, July 01, 2004
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